


the good die young (but so did this)

by chrisevnas



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anger, Avengers: Endgame spoilers, Break Up, Bucky taunts Steve and his sexuality, Deviates a bit from the end, Explicit Language, F/M, Heartbreak, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sad, Sad Ending, This just hurts, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 17:01:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18760666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrisevnas/pseuds/chrisevnas
Summary: AVENGERS: ENDGAME SPOILERSBased on Steve's ending.A tiny bit of their interaction is different, but this is a (sad) look inside the conversation they may have had before Steve did what he did.





	the good die young (but so did this)

The first emotion Bucky can easily identify is pain.

 

Not physical pain, of which he’s had plenty. The things Hydra did to him were painful beyond any regular person’s wildest dreams, and those are just the ones he can remember. This pain, though, it’s deep in his chest, almost like his heart is shutting down. He’s felt this before.

 

Hydra didn’t inflict this pain on him, he realizes, but he’s given a brief flashback to a moment almost parallel to the one he’s in now.

 

** _“Y’ready to head back to Brooklyn after all this?” he asked, sitting on the edge of the snowy cliff and throwing a pebble down._ **

 

** _“About that…” Steve began, clearing his throat. “I think, when this is all over, we’re gonna get married.”_ **

 

** _Bucky’s eyes widened in surprise, and he had to look around to make sure no other Howlies were listening in before responding. “Stevie, we can’t. Queers ain’t allowed to get married.”_ **

 

** _Steve looked uncomfortable. “No, Buck. You and I… you know we can’t. I meant me n’ Peg.”_ **

 

** _The burst of pain took Bucky’s breath away, and he might have fallen off the cliff if not for the overwhelming pull he had to the blond next to him._ **

 

** _“Oh,” he choked out. “That’s great, Steve. I’m real happy for you. She know yet?”_ **

 

** _Steve snorted, none-the-wiser to the fact that his best friend was dying before his very eyes. “‘Course not, Buck. That’d hardly be romantic to tell her.”  
_ **

** _Bucky forced a smile when Steve glanced over, nodding. “You’re right. Guess I’ve lost my touch on romance.”_ **

 

** _Steve clapped a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll get it back.”_ **

 

** _The brunet swallowed, staring down the cliff. “Yeah, maybe.”_ **

 

Bucky is jolted back to the present, where Steve is looking at him with those big blue eyes. They’re on the bed inside Steve’s room of the Avengers compound, miraculously untouched by Thanos and his minions.

 

“It’s not illegal no more, though?” Bucky asks quietly.

 

Steve seems a little shocked. “You remember that?”

 

“Not before, no,” Bucky admits, shaking his head once. “So you’re… you’re doin’ it again?”

 

Steve’s brows pull together, making him look like the puppy dog he always was. “Doin’ what again?”

 

Bucky shrugs, feeling the invisible barbed wire around his neck pull tighter, threatening a strained voice. “Marrying Peggy Carter.”

 

Steve’s brow quirks. “Never got to marry her a first time, Buck.”

 

“Right,” Bucky responds, nearly lifeless. Steve picks up on it, places an unassuming hand over Bucky’s.

 

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

 

Bucky swallows. “I’m thinking I don’t want you to go.”

 

Steve opens his mouth but Bucky holds up a hand to silence him. “Just listen, Steve. I know I’m not much, okay? I don’t remember most of my life and I’ve done some real bad shit but… But I’m trying, okay? And you’re here. You brought me out of all the shit Hydra did to me and I need you, Steve. I _need_ you. Please don’t leave me again,” he begs.

 

Steve looks at him with a pitiful expression and it makes Bucky want to scream. He knows what Steve’s gonna say.

 

The anger bubbles over. Suddenly he stands, shoving Steve’s hand away from him rather rudely. “Fine then. Fuck off. I don’t know why you bothered fighting Hydra and doing all this shit to get me back if you were just gonna drop me off and rush back to your precious dame. I really admired and respected Peggy, and I still do. But you? You’re a goddamned coward. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too, Steve. Fuck you. Fuck _me_ for ever thinking you cared about me. 

 

“You care about the Smithsonian boasting about how many people you saved. Well you know what, Steve? I’ll just go tell ‘em to erase everything they have about you savin’ me, because you didn’t. I’ll tell ‘em the truth: that you were queer with your best friend, used to fuck him real quiet so the other fellas wouldn’t hear, ain’t that right? You didn’t give a damn about what parts I had when you laid me down on that shitty cot and fucked me slow, did ya? ‘Course not. As long as you got to shove your dick in something that wasn’t your fist, you wouldn’t be complainin’.

 

“I’ll tell ‘em you spent so long trying to get your friend back just to abandon him to go live life the way you could’ve. You’re a fuckin’ fraud, Steve. Why not just jump out of the plane like I’ve seen you do so many times? You coulda married Carter and died a long time ago. Died thinking I was dead. God knows it would’ve done us both better than this shit,” he huffs, grabbing his backpack and shoving his arms through the straps. “I’d’ve rather stayed with Hydra,” he spat, watching Steve’s hardened eyes break down into heartbreak.

 

“Bucky—“ he begins, but the brunet shakes his head, beginning to walk out.

  
“Just shut your fuckin’ mouth for once, Captain Rogers.”

 

———

 

Steve leaves a day later. He returns with a ring on his finger, and Bucky can’t even bare to look at him. He sends Sam to talk to him before retreating back to his room to begin counting his days without Steve— again.


End file.
